You hear it everywhere. But what does it really mean?
Everything started to change for me when I began to examine my reaction to the circumstances instead of wanting to change the circumstances themselves, because they ‘felt’ like they weren’t what I wanted them to be.
And that habit of looking at the circumstances first instead of my reaction to those circumstances is so ingrained that I still occasionally (un)consciously fall into that trap.
The great fire of emotions that comes with it can simply be extinguished by not fueling it anymore. In other words: when I realize that it is my reaction to what has happened rather than what has happened itself.
Realizing that I’m once again trying to change the circumstances (or the other person) – while they have already happened and I can’t change or undo them by definition – gives me a sense of calm, of peace: I no longer have to concern myself with matters over which I have little control. What a relief.
It took time and effort to learn that. It’s a skill, like any other. Fortunately, life provides ample opportunities for me to practice.
When I can respond to circumstances from this place of calm, I can bring about real change. Changes that stem from reason rather than emotional outbursts.
I believe this is where life’s transformation lies: managing emotions and responding to life with greater maturity. This creates space once again for the wonders I saw so naturally as a child. They are gradually becoming more visible to me. This transformation towards rationality is also what motivates me to help others transform their lives.